MENTALK. 'The Male Sexual Narrative' written by Hamish.

A PERSPECTIVE:

'Men often get a bad reputation when it comes to sex and rightfully so, sometimes we do really suck. Yet, there’s a certain portion of men out there who want to learn but do not know where to turn to in order to do so. '


  • As I have written this, I realise there are many nuances to sex which is hard cover. I am afraid of sounding too preachy or the female audience raising their eyes at what I have to say. This is probably one reason why there is little to no sexual narrative from the male perspective. Few men are comfortable to talk about sex in such a way and those that do, aren’t confident enough to publicly post about it. Men often get a bad reputation when it comes to sex and rightfully so, sometimes we do really suck. Yet, there’s a certain portion of men out there who want to learn but do not know where to turn to in order to do so. Porn is a double edge for obvious reasons so between that and female Sex podcasts, there is a large chasm needed to be filled (no pun intended). After being a late bloomer in finding confidence with women, I always aspired to be good at sex. Whether that is because I want to be desired by women, receive pleasure off giving or even how cool I thought Mel Gibson’s character from What Women Want was, the want to be good was there. So please take this advice with a pinch of salt as I realise it does not apply to all both women and men are complex creatures.

“Sexual intercourse can be anything from shaking hands to the act of sex.”



  • My first encounter with sex education was in primary school and wasn’t all too helpful. It mainly consisted of the Principle telling us to apologise to our Grandma if we had what can only be described as “an awkward boner”, at least that’s all I can remember from said class. My second encounter was a little more informative yet still disappointing, the sex education class that is. Our African born Religious Studies teacher was at the helm this time so he had a particular religious bias which meant he steered clear from anything too spicy. Although after many years I realise he was right about one thing, he said “sexual intercourse can be anything from shaking hands to the act of sex.” I come to realise this is true as the moment you and your partner make contact, that is the moment your physical relationship begins. However, I only realise how valid that point was after I had watched a few Sex documentaries. 


  • I think as men we should absorb the many podcasts and documentaries available revolving around the topic of sex. More often they are aimed at women and therefore insightful in terms of what women want during sex. I remember watching a Documentary called “Sexology” in my second year of University and it completely blowing my mind. It taught me that every great man has a feminine side, as well smaller details such as when to initiate contact and how to tell if your partner is aroused. Every girl I have shown has come away learning something new about themselves but also mentioning how “Every guy should watch this”. Do not be afraid to do some research, if you’re already following Wasitgoodforyou then you’re a step ahead of the rest but dig deeper, don’t wait for women to have to show you the ropes.



''Appreciate the act of giving head''

  • Appreciate the act of giving head. During sex, I am often the first to go down as I feel it helps set the tone. Chances are that women aren’t used to men going down first as a lot find it either laborious, gross or are afraid to look stupid. This will not only encourage the arousal of your female partner, but will increase her desire and efforts when returning the favour. Giving your partner head can also be fun if approached in the right way.  Think of it as your favourite video game, like Guitar Hero, although you’re probably not licking the fret board unless you’re trying to do your best Jimmy Hendrix impression. I often opt for a pro spit/saliva approach as any association to the word “dry” using sex is never the one. The combination of both mouth and fingers are ideal however ease into whilst paying close attention to verbal feedback. If the person you’re giving head to is not very vocal, you can always ask politely, “do you like that?” or “does that feel good?”, better safe than sorry. Bear in mind that some women are self-conscious of receiving head during your first time so you also need to respect that.

''Ladies, don’t underestimate a good hand-job''

  • Ladies, don’t underestimate a good hand-job. After the majority of your clothes have found their rightful place on the floor and things have become truly heated, there’s nothing more attractive than a girl who’s not afraid to grab your dick (in a sensual, non-violent of course). Whilst the guy has undoubtedly started his search for your clitoris, please feel free to start exploring us at the same time. I found that most of the better sex I have had, started with the girl showing an equal interest into my private parts as I did in hers. It indicates a mutual lust and drive that we know women have but hide better than us men. When a girl spits on her hand and starts playing with my penis I know that I’m in good hands … literally. So like us men who will be googling tips of fingering, please do the same as it is truly appreciated. 

''There have been several times where I have experienced a clear difference in the quality of sex, simply by talking about it.''

  • I feel that an open dialogue leads to better sex. By that I mean talking about what sex means to you, what you get from it and even your previous sexual encounters. There have been several times where I have experienced a clear difference in the quality of sex, simply by talking about it. This is because it allows you and your partner to make sure you are on the same mental wavelength going into foreplay, leading to your bodies to physically sync up. It also gives you both an opportunity to let each other know what your preferences are. Just bear in mind the context of the encounter, as sometimes it can be too much for the other party. When I have opened up to and established the trust with the person I am about to sleep with, losing myself in the moment feels more natural. Whilst easier said than done, sex with trust is always better. 

  • Dear Ladies, us men find it incredibly attractive when you teach us something new. Either a different setting, a new position or by adding to the dynamic, enhancing what we think we have already mastered will truly leave an impression. I remember when a girl I had met introduced me to the addition of mood lighting, obvious I know, but not back then to my naïve old self. Gone were the rigid days of the “light on or lights off” question. She paused as things were getting heated and said “wait a second” before transforming the room into a red den of sin. It felt like I was living out one of my fantasies, so wrong but so very right. What happened after that felt completely original and unique. She donned the captain’s hat, grabbed hold of the mast and told me to hold on tight. Metaphorically of course.

'' Treat Sex like a dinner party, you wouldn’t just slam a Lobster in front of someone without asking them about their dietary needs cause chances are they’re pescatarian.''

  • There is still so much out there in the world of sex to explore for myself if I am honest, but that excites me. To all those out there I wish you good luck on your journey and remember to just be nice and polite. Treat Sex like a dinner party, you wouldn’t just slam a Lobster in front of someone without asking them about their dietary needs cause chances are they’re pescatarian. I hope that made sense.

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